I am confused

I am confused of my feelings towards you... Whether is it because I miss our memories or is it that I still love u? I dont know... I really dont... There are times when I thought I am finally over you but the next day, something you did will make me think otherwise... *sigh* =/

To be frank, the feeling I am having now is that I want you back... I want you back in my life... I want you to be there for me whenever I am sad or happy... To be there to share my life... But I guess it's no use telling them out now does it? The damage had been done and the consequences are all that are left for me to bear... It hurts deeply sometimes but what else can I do but to tighten the grip of my fist and bear with it? What else can I do?

I did try to be friends with you again but most of the times, I'll hold myself back... afraid that I might not able to face the ugly truth once more... I tried hating you with all my heart but sadly, it was to no avail...

To tell you honestly, every now and then memories of us will come filling into my head and before I realized it, I had already sink myself into our memories... Those memories which we once cherish and share... Those days when we love each other with all our hearts... Those days to me, were filled with nothing but happiness... I could not find anything else which can replace those moments... I even thought that this was the one whom I thought was ideal... But sadly, not everything comes to a good ending does it? Not everything you hope to get will fall onto your hands does it? *sigh*

I know and I've learn it the hard way... The way which I have to endure this torturous feeling for as long as it stays... I've been trying to brush this off... Trying to deny what I actually felt... But the denial will end today as I spill them out in this post... You might never read it at all... Might never know how I feel... I dont care anymore because atleast I felt better after that... Atleast to me, I'm finally facing the problem that I tried to run away from...

But if there is a choice, I hope I can turn back time and hope that when we meet, it was at the right place and at the right time... in future? I dont know... right now, I'll just go with the flow...