the biggest slap

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The moment the lecture was dismissed, she quickly packed her things and rushed out of the hall towards the internet lab. This was the day she had been waiting for since she knew about it. As she marched towards the lab, her heart beats 2 times faster than its regular rate. No words can utter from her mouth as she waited for the web page to load. To make the matter worse, the system is working slowly than usual due to the number of students who too were trying to log in at the internet lab. Impatiently, she kept clicking the refresh button hoping to speed up the process but it was to no avail. Instead, it was much slower than it used to.

She had waited for almost 15 minutes while playing games to kill time but the system was still as slow as it was before. Even her friends who were with her had successfully checked their results. Frustrated, she changed to another computer hoping to get a better outcome but sadly, was to no avail again. This continue to happen until the last 5 minutes before 12pm strike, the results were finally out. The moment she set her eyes on the screen, she felt an invisible slap on her face. A hard and solid one. There was no mark on her face but the mark was marked in her heart and soul. It was swollen after awhile. Swollen with sadness, disappointment and shock. At that time, negative feelings had taken over her soul and mind. There was dark aura around her, nothing bright, cheery or sunny. None at all. Not even a simple smile can she forged on her face.

One thing about her which until now she considered it her weak point was she could never fake her feelings. So there she was the whole day at college without a smile nor a slight feeling of happiness. She was blaming everything on her and no one else because she knew it was useless. No matter how much she wanted to push the responsibility to someone else nothing can be done to change what had happen. Nothing can turn back time so that she could avoid this unwanted mistake. Nothing. Nothing at all. She was in total silence when she entered the next class but went out to make a phone call after placing down her bag.

She told her mum about her results heavy-heartedly. The thought of all the high hopes that she hoped to achieve for her was filling her head and before she could stop it, tiny droplets of tears begin to stream down from her eyes. Her vision was blurred but she ignored it. As she continued to speak, her voice weakened and her words had jumbled up in a murmur. Yes, she was crying in her friend's arms as she ended her conversation with her mum. Atleast there was a shoulder for her to lean and to cling on for support when she needed it most. Quickly, she wiped off her tears and washed her face in the toilet. As she and her friend slowly walked back to the tutorial room, she managed to calm herself down.

Matters became worse when she received news about the results of other people. There she was wondering what had gone wrong. She knew what had happen and the cause of it but the mistake was irreversible. There was no use crying over spilled milk but to tell herself to work harder and more serious for the coming exams. She knew she could do better this time and she will. Hope that the future will be able to cover this filthy pathetic past of hers cause this was the last thing she wanted to be reminded of.

Once beaten twice shy, there will not be a second time...

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