material

materials...

urgh...

have to study...

sien...

lazy...

wanna sleep...

zzz....

=.=

neutral again...

Im not in the mood for any lovey dovey things right now... if i can avoid any of it, trust me, i will... Its like it somehow make me sick or make me wanna drown myself into despair when I come across any stuff of this type... urgh!!! =.= I suck...

Anyway, exam is near... study study study... cos after exam, I am ssssoooo gonna enjoy to the fullest~~~ have a whole list of to-do's for the holidays.... wee~~~ cant wait! XD

Heard that next sem is gonna be tougher than this sem... *gulp* *sweating*... hope I can pass it again and this time, dont wanna do anything at the eleventh hour d!!! If not, the results turn out like shit nia... haiz...

Believe in myself... I can do it~~~

Dont wanna end up like the egg... >.<

balala

Exam is near...

I am nervous about it...

fear...

is the word that fits...

scared i cant score like last time...

alot have been happening recently...

my progress, to me, is deteriorating...

haiz...

scared, scared, scared...

nervous, nervous, nervous....

PS:

the further i distant from you, the nearer i am to you...

the more i wanna avoid you, the more i see of you...

haiz... =(

a memory lane which at first should not even start... =/

G.I Joe

yesterday (saturday), went to sunrise McD for group study with keat wei and shirlyn... It was not good though... we did finish a few questions for electronic instrumentation and communication assignment with a few on engineering mechanics... BUt it was seriously freaking me out!!! why??? cause I dont understand a thing about framework!!! and the worst part is... I tried the tutorials and failed to get the answers I wanted!!! oh my good god... I was kinda freak out somemore with what i am facing right now.. I was really oh my god... haiz... >.<

Anyway, after studying, we went to gurney and bought tickets for G.I.Joe!!! hehe... while waiting for it to start, we went popular to do some shopping (more like refilling stock cause there are stuff that i have run out >.<) Then went in for the movie~ the movie was seriously good wei... I just LOVE the technology that they are using in the movie.. Its so advance and cool!!! the actions also not bad and the jokes are not lame... XD Overall, it was an awesome moive!!! omg... I wish next time I can manage to explore the technology that they are using... Its seriously cool! XD

ps: I'm slowly letting it go but that does not means that my feelings for you have fade... so I hope u wont break my last condition... That is all that Im asking... nothing more...

I've made up my mind

I'll stay strong for me...

I'll let go for me...

I wont deny that im feeling very shitty right now...

I feel very emo...

Feel very depressed and lost...

But I believe that I can overcome this...

If he does not know how to appreciates me...

Then its his lost...

I've done my best to maintain it...

But he doesnt care...

he doesnt bother...

so thats it...

I'll give up and move on...

luckily I still my friends to always be there for me....

Be there to cheer me up...

Be there to share my pain and sorrow...

And also, lend me their shoulder to cry on...

I wont let their effort go to waste...

So i'll be strong for them and myself...

I know i can...

ps: there are many more fishes in the sea... XD but not planning to fish for any now... =) just need some company... =)

should I give it another last chance?

should I? =(

I dont feel like letting go...

cause i still love u...

but if that is what u want, then there is ntg more i can say but to respect your decision...

while my tears flow down silently...

broken heart

we have broken up...

things had become complicated and it had reach the point of no return...

Its hard to accept reality...

But i have learn to accept it...

To think that time will heal our relationship...

But instead, things turn out worse...

haiz...

One man's meat is another man's poison...

Heart broken...

and this time, I dont think it can mended again... =(

Stay strong... I know i can get through this... =(

Happy happy day~~~ ♥

Today was awesome!!!

Why?

cause im currently staying overnight at shirlyn's place...

And am facebooking, chit chatting and last but not least...

CRAP!!!!

omg...

Its been ages since I felt this happy~~~

ahahaha~~~

Love today~ ♥ ♥ ♥

=) ♥☺

Patience

Thats what I need most now... And also to practice the joy of giving without expecting anything in return... Cause once I successfully mastered this skill, I wont be so emo anymore... And also I think that time, things will be better between us...
In a relationship, one have to compromise with another... Im not sure whether he is doing that or not but why wait for him to do it when I myself can do it? I wont deny that it will be tough but it is worth the try... It'll be like...
When he is happy, be happy for him..
When he is down, be there for him...
Even if he doesnot wanna admit that he is troubled,
just stay by his side...
Sit beside him quietly or give him a hug...
When he is bottled up, understand him...
When he is stressed, give him some space...
When he ignore me, breath in deeply (It'll sure hurtful) and ignore him... (if not, what can I do for this? any idea?)
When he tembak me, erm... be patient and tell myself that he is going through a tough time...

These are my list of to-do's... Cause i've been thinking through it thoroughly and I guess, this is the best way... BUT there is only one condition... EVER NEVER CHEAT ON ME... If that condition is broken, everything will also be the same... cause at that time, I will no longer turn back... =) Hope I can manage to achieve these to-dos... I really need strength...

Fragile

I wont deny that...
Im weak...
Im not patient enough...
Im too rushy...
Im very sien of the situation between us...
Does not have the mood to talk to u...
Does not wanna have anything to do with u right now...
Im very sien of this...
Very sien...
Sometimes feel like giving up...
Really sometimes feel like there is no point in continuing...
The truth hurts...
But it more hurtful to be in the situation that we are in now...
U ask me to be more patient...
Give u more time...
Understand u more...
But...
Dont forget...
Im also a human...
I got feelings...
I dont like to be treated coldly...
I dont like the feeling of changing...
If its for the better, im glad but its not...
Its for the worse...
I hate it...
I hate it so much...
I hate it alot...
U say that u dont want us to reach the point of no return...
But im afraid...
If this were to continue on..
I think my point of no return is coming near...
I dont know how I feel right now...
neutral?
no longer have feelings for u?
still love u?
I really dont know...
cos to be frank...
How u treat me is how i feel towards u...
u treat me cold, I'll distant from u...
u treat me warm, I'll go near u...
Dont get me wrong but...
I dont wanna get hurt again...
It hurts when ppl try to cuddle with u and u push me away...
Its like u ask for warm but got splashed by cold water instead...
I hate that feeling...
I really hate that feeling...
How long can i stand this?
I dont know.... I really dont know...
I understand your situation...
But i myself need your attention too...
BEcause my heart is fragile...

ps: if only he read my blog... Then he'll understand more... Because sometimes, there are some things which are hard to say in person and needs words as the messenger... =(

Stupid PLC!

Tests have finally ended... except for maths4.. 2 more tests coming soon but now not so stress d... can say that felt relieve the moment Automation test ended yesterday... It was like after coming out from hell, I felt so heavenly... XD Anyway, this morning went to the pLC lab to complete my assignment but manatau my beloved, perfecto and satisfied car park system cannot work!!! I was like argh!!! And to add salt to the wound, the lecturer says that obviously he has to deduct marks for the malfunction of the system... I was like am teh!!! Its not my fault that the PLC machine in our college is already stone age!!! BUt still the reasons he gave are undeniably reasonable... =/ So no choice but to settle for another type of car park system which is not as perfect as the one i design before... huhuhu~ T.T so sad... =( no choice... the system I design is too pro d... XPP *vain*haiz...

Anyway, nowadays I been emo easily and freakingly sensitive... haiz... Why? cos "he's hot then he's cold, he's yes then he's no, he's in then he's out, he's up then he's down"... Hot and Cold by KAtie Perrie... Seriously!
It hurts when he tertembak me
It hurts when he ignored me
It hurts to see him feeling stress
when there is nothing I can do but to just stand aside and watch
It hurts when I cant do anything to lighten his mood
It hurts when he doesn't treat me like the way he does
It hurts when he kept saying that there is nothing I can do
It hurts when he push away my help
It hurts when he does not seem to care about me anymore
It hurts...
It really hurts...

He said that he did realised he changed...
I dont like the new him...
I hate the new him...
The new cold and ignorant him...
I dont like...
It makes me emo...
It makes me sad...
It makes me worse... =(
I hope you'll be you again...
The you I know since last year...
The cheerful you who always brighten up my day...
The you who I never regret falling in love with...
The you who I tressure and care...
Cause I really dont wanna lost you...
=(

♥ turtle~ ♥

hehe... just something random... only some ppl understands the title... X) but i dont think he'll stop by my blog though... Still... no harm hoping right? =D

*sigh softly*

balalala~~~

assignments and tests still piling up like nobody's business...

stupid... =.=

Doesn't give 2 shits!!!

Yes, ppl... Its obvious that from the title, Im pissed... why am i pissed? and who am i pissed of?
The answer is simple...
I am pissed of myself...
Why?
cause I have the brains for studies but no brains when it comes to my parents...
not only that, to be frank....
So what if you are so-called smart???
big deal!!!
They dont give 2 shits about it...
Do they look like they even care if i score well???
neh!!!
Im not surprise they would do anything to exchange this stupid brain of mine for a brain which can be more considerate about their sweat and hard working in rising this unfaithful asshole...
I am not saying that I hate my status in studying...
To be frank, I am very glad and satisfies with what I have now...
But what im satisfied with is only about me and nobody else...
To others, they might admire what I have but deep down, they have absolutely no idea how shitty this is...
Cause to some ppl, the higher you study, the more pathetic you are...
serious... So that is why I always hate ppl comparing status...
I never compare status or use that to insult ppl... NEVER!!!
FUcking status only ruin the lifes of ppl and nothing else...
There is no fucking good in differentiating status... It only make matters worse...
SOmetimes being smart doesn't mean that person has everything in life...
In fact, what that fella has is nothing but a stupid brain with just a slightly bigger capacity...
Thats all...

PS: if you dont like what i wrote, fuck off!!! I dont need u to tell me what to blog...

Random again

Its been some time since I last blogged... It cant be blamed... Been buzy with assignments and tests... Mind u, my assignments are not done yet and more tests are coming next week... Oh my good god!!! sien... the thought of it kills...



=.= =.=

anyway, am going back to my old school 2mr for the food fair... Going to meet up with some friends and cam whore maybe? XD He's fetching me there~~~ wee~~ at least there is something to cheer me up abit... I mean, of cos, seeing saw saw, yen yee, chun xun and others too cheers me up but there is still a small little thing that annoys me and triggers my mood... =.= what is that? erm... I choose not to say about it...

Hope 2mr turns out good... =)

PS: things between me and him had gotten better... Although he still feels stress and pressure, things have improved... hope it will stay this way longer.... =) ♥ u o~~~ I am still trying to stay strong but now i know... without u supporting me, no matter how i tried, strength wont come easily... so dear, ur ♥ is important to me o~ ^^

♥ ♥ ♥