Im home... sad or happy?

Thursday, April 3, 2008

After spending 2 weeks in NS, i get to come home for 3 days... So this is my first day... well... at first i was glad that im home but now, i feel so bored and empty. As if I'm rotting again like a vege eventhough today is just the first day im home. Sometimes i really dont understand myself... is it just me being paranoid or my life really din change at all... I felt like spending my time in camp is more worth while than spending my time back in my normal life... well, first thing first, when im in the camp, there's always sumone for me to talk with but here, everybody is busy with their stuff except me who got nothing to do and that really bores me out... But im also happy that i have come back home because there are so many womderful things that i did in camp that i want to share them (my experience) with my parents and my sis... I also miss my bed, the good food and my other personal stuff...


Spending my 2 weeks in the camp was really nice and memorable. I dont feel like i lost somthing instead i felt that i have gain more... From there, there are things that really did motivate me. Although it didnt affect me 100%, i felt that there are some changes in myself that only me myself knows. Today after i came back, my mum told me that the colledge that i have applied had replied my application. I have just read the letter and now im on a dilemma on whether should I got off early from ns to cont my studies or to finish the whole NS programme. At first, i plan to finish it but after some time, I come to know that majority of my frens are going off early to continue their studies so this situation has had me ended up in a dilemma. Should I follow my frens by doing the same thing or just go on with my plan that i have had on mind earlier? Until now, the decision is still undecided. I hate it when I have to choose a path when both paths are equally beneficial to me.


Im suffering from a headache right now again. Besides this problem, im also facing another problem which is love-relationship thing again. I really dont understand me when it comes to this issue. Its like I have told myself not to fall in love again but no... my heart refuse to listen and BAM!!! "oh look! im in love again... isit it great?" great my foot man! But this is the first time that the person that i had a crush on, likes me in return. Well, i wont deny that having that person to feel the same way as u is like totally awesome and the feeling is like ur iin 7th heaven. But whats the point of being happy when u urself 100% know that now is not the right time!!! I mean i was seriously damn disappointed with myself and i hate rejecting the person that i have feelings for u know. That really makes my heart aching with pain and guilt u know. Its like somewhere inside my head is telling me that im letting off a very rare chance that i dont think i will have it (come to think of the worst) anymore. But its ok, the promise that i make to myself is more important than this, I think I have make the right choice for now which MAYBE can make me regret in future. However, what is done is done and i will try my very best to face the consequences of the decision that i have made. I hope he'll find sumone who deserves him more than me. -smile slightly-

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